Friday, March 14, 2008

If it hadn't been for cotton-eye joe

The ground split the day Cotton (Kapas) Gill was born. He was the child of the netherworld. But the devil didn't want him, so dumped him on earth. Cotton was found with a hockey stick up his ass. The sun doesn't shine in the whole of the netherworld, so no one noticed the violation while he was there.

Yes, Cotton Gill was a man who was violated from his birth. It tormented him during his childhood, and his adulthood. No girl would dare come close to him due to the stench of blocked crap. He was full of it.

He decided to take revenge on the poor hockey stick. But what did Cotton know? The hockey stick was getting all knotted up, cursing the heavens for having to suffer such wretched ignominy.

In his quest for vengeance, Cotton started destroying everything related to hockey in all of India. He systematically side-lined good players, removed good coaches, neglected all facilities irreversibly destroying them, installed his cronies in important position.

He bled hockey to death.

He pilfered huge sums of money meant for development of facilities, training and equipment. He had heard from presidents of other sports associations that money relieved constipation. He tried, but the blockage remained. He swallowed more cash, but still, no relief. He tried Eno, but now he was regurgitating crap

With each passing day, the hockey stick ensconced itself firmly inside Cotton and kept travelled north.

A day came in 2136, when the stick struck his heart and tore through it. The aorta ruptured with a dreadful noise. His lungs turned red and blood started cascading from his tongue.

Cotton withered away. India rejoiced. It got hockey back after almost 60 years.
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